Helping Alberta FamiliesThis is part of my series on Infertility and In Vitro Fertilization. You can read my other posts on Struggling With Infertility, Paying for IVF, Family Day and Mothers Day.
Its hard to explain but I hate the word “TRY” here is why. Whatever is sitting next to you be it a pencil, pen, computer mouse or piece of paper. I want you to “TRY” to pick it up. Don’t actually do it just “TRY”. How does it feel?
“TRY”-ing to have a baby feels just as “off” as trying to pick up that item. We have been trying to grow our family for 3 years. We have had many losses and much heartbreak. I have hated the feeling of trying to do something I can see so many others doing but it is just out of my grasp. I feel like the biggest failure because my body can’t do what is instinctively in me to do.
There are great days but I do feel like a cartoon character with a little rain cloud over my head sometimes because I see another pregnant lady complaining or another person screaming at their kids. Don’t get me wrong I am so happy for others who have been able to get pregnant. I will no doubt have a moment of yelling and being frustrated if I get the chance to be 8 or 9 months pregnant in the summer with no air conditioning. I love my nieces and nephews. I love those children with all my heart but it is hard for me. I love being around them but sometimes I can’t help but remember that my baby would be one years old as well. I cant help but not want to hold newborns because I don’t want to cry today again because my gynecologist called and my day 25 blood test said I didn’t ovulate.
If you have someone who is going through this just be patient with them. Don’t leave them out of family things. They might want to join in but don’t know where to fit if your family has lots of children around. I feel like every day is a new challenge but I hate to say this but I am getting a better handle on it than I did in the beginning. I’m trying to not let this become who I am but sometimes that is hard. I love my husband. He really is the best friend I have ever had and we have become much closer through all these tests and trials. I know if we get through this and become parents it has helped us become stronger as a couple and I am grateful for that.